Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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