That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
