One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
