so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
