The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Randomize
