Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
