I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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