haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I fill condoms, not promises.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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