Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
