I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
