theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
