i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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