he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
