I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
