i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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