we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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