she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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