the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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