i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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