the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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