I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
