is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
