after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
