You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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