my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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