Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
