Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
