life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
