So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
