You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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