im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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