insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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