It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
