He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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