Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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