i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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