how can u be prego again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
