areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
