You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
