My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
