Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
