so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
