Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize