why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
