winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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