i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
