I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
