I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
