If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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