Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
