When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
