I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
