i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize