while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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