bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
