Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
