Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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