Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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