how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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