ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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