so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
