How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
