worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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