Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
