Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
