I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
