yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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