Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
